Category Archives: Relationships

Family Time

Family time is my favorite time.

The time of my day that warms my heart the most is the time I get to spend  with my family. They are the most important people in my life.

I normally set aside weekend to spend quality time with them. My daughter can hardly wait for the time of laughter and family bonding we share on these days. We have an afternoon swim, go out, have a nice dinner, and not to forget, play with Barney, her favorite character.

My husband and I cherish every second we spend with our daughter. Vern is so adorable, especially at her current age now. It’s amazing to see how much she have grown and how fast she learn things. Everything that she do, never fail to make us laugh. She is my little princess and she is the love of my life.
I believe I am more than just a parent to my daughter; I am their role model and friend. I want to make sure that I always be there at every stage of her life, have a wonderful relationship and emotional bonding too. It is not easy, as sometimes I have to take leave just to make sure I don’t miss out any important moment of her life. But it was totally worth it.

Having quality time with  my husband is important too. Each night after my daughter have gone to bed, we relax together and talk about our day :) Watch our favorite DVDs or go out to watch movie and have supper together. Simple, but our nightly sessions allow us to unwind and remain emotionally and intellectually in sync.

Spending time with my family helps me cope with the stresses and challenges of life.

Today, I value my family and cherish our time together.
Family time is my favorite time.

Have a great weekend, everyone !

A Story about Marriage

Very touching story about marriage.

Definitely worth your time to read.


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?


I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!


With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.


She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.


The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.


When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.


In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.


This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.


She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.


I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.


My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.


On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.


On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.


On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.


She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.


Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.


Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.


But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.


I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.


She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.


Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.


At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.


That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I'm a loving husband….


The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!




If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.


If you do, you just might save a marriage.Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.


10 Tips on how to really LOVE your husband

1 more week before Valentine's day. Are you already in the mood for love? :) 


Having married for 5 years, I understand that it's not only just love that keeps the marriage going. Our efforts in making sure the marriage work is as important.



No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.


So I would like to dedicate this post to all the married woman out there.
10 tips on how to really LOVE your husband :)


1. Build your husband's self confidence and motivate him to action by letting him know you need him and appreciate him

2. Trust your husband. He needs to know you believe he wants the best for you and he is doing his best in the marriage. When you are open and receptive to what he has to offer, you fulfill his need for love. In turn, he loves back.

3. Romance in marriage doesn't just happen. You can make it happen by your attention, desire thoughts, and actions.

4. Pay attention when your husband talks to you. Turn off or put away any distractions. Look him in the eye and give him feedback. An inexpensive but extremely valuable gift !

5. Admire your husband. Give him thanks, approval, and appreciation. He'll feel secure in your admiration and want to continue to meet your needs.

6. Silent is not always golden, especially between husband and wife. Ask your husband if he'd like to set aside time just to talk.

7. Understand that expressing your anger is not necessarily bad. It's how you express anger that makes the difference.

8. Remember that in a  marriage the question is not so much about who is right, but what is right for the marriage.

9. Tell your husband on a regular basis: "I love you more than yesterday"

10. "Marriage is not so much finding the right person as it is being the right person." Are you the wife you wanted to be when you married? If not, it's still possible to become that woman.


Hope the 10 tips above will add more love into your marriage life :)



Are you being 'choosy' in your relationship ?

merry riana - relationship slogan


Recently, I read the news about a famous couple in Indonesia who recently just got divorced. Ironically, when interviewed, both sides can easily talked non-stop about the other partner’s weaknesses and faults, as if there is really no end to it. And I wondered, this was the person that he/she was married to and fell in love with before. How can everything be that bad? Did they really change as what the other partner said? Personally, I think it’s all a matter of choice.  


I believe relationship is about making choices. A choice to emphasize and concentrate on our partner’s faults or on our partner’s positive qualities.


Let me give you this analogy.

There’s a huge difference in the feeding habits of vultures and bees. Vultures are scavenging birds, feeding mostly from carcasses of dead animals. They fly overhead searching for dead animals. When they spy a decaying animal, they fly down to satisfied their needs. Honey bees, however, look only for sweet nectar. They are very selective as they search through the flowers in a garden. Just as the vultures and the bees always find what they are seeking, so we will always find what we look for in our relationship. If we focus on our partner’s faults or mistakes, we will always find them (anyway, who never make mistakes, right?) and our relationship will be colored by that negative attitude. However, if our daily quest in our relationship is to find and affirm the positive qualities of our partner, we’ll be surprised at how many we find and how those discoveries will enhance our relationship.


Our choices and experiences result in the building of memories, feelings and attitudes which couples carry through to our later years.  


Ask yourself honestly, when you think about your partner, what is the most recent thing that you remember about him/her? Is it about how he was late in fetching you from work? Or when he forgot to accompany you to go shopping? Or is it about how nice when he give you a shoulder massage? Or leave a cute note on your desk?


Well, whatever your answer is, if it is the positive experience, I would like to congratulate you for being the ‘bee who seeks the honey’. Well done! But if what you’ve remembered is not a positive experience, well it’s not too late. I would also like to congratulate you for at least you’ve read my post and you know that you can start to do things differently from today onwards =)   You may be just starting a relationship, or you may be enjoying your 10th wedding anniversary. No matter what your age or length of your relationship, there is still time to make a choice. The memories you are gathering for the future will be influenced by the way you think today. Make your choice today!  

The Secret to a Successful Relationship

Merry Alva 2


I first met my ex-boyfriend, who is currently my husband, 10 years ago. We were from the same university (NTU). How we met is another long and interesting story, and I believe it was really by fate that we both know each other. We then engaged in 2002, just after we graduated, and married in 2004.


To me, marriage life is so interesting. And I really believe that to make relationship works, love itself is not enough. There are many things that are also as important, and one of it is to have effective communication.

We need to learn how to express our exact feelings to the other person. That includes making our needs known to our better half. I know it’s definitely not easy. I myself find it very weird initially, because I guess as Asians, we are not used to articulate our needs to our partners. Sometimes we are afraid that asking for what we want might cause conflict or even worse, maybe we’re afraid that our partner will think that we are being stupid or unrealistic. But still, in my experience of being married for 5 years, communicating our needs is something that is essential. Many times we feel so good when our needs are met, and on the contrary, we also know how bad it feels when they’re not met. Well, guess what? Our partner can’t read our mind; he or she can’t guess what our needs are. That’s why we need to communicate this to them.


When it comes to relationship, we all have different needs. In general, there are five categories, i.e. emotional needs, physical needs, social needs, security needs and spiritual needs.


Here are some examples from each category:  



1. The need to feel, and be told, that we are loved

2. The need to feel respected as an individual

3. The need to feel appreciated for who and what you are and do

4. The need to feel special, above everyone else in our partner’s life

5. The need to feel passion between each other    



1. The need to be hugged or held

2. The need to be kissed, even if casually =)

3. The need for tenderness

4. The need to be touched and caressed

5. The need for a satisfying and rewarding sexual life =) hahaha…  



1. The need for appropriate tenderness and support when in public

2. The need to hear sweet things in social environment

3. The need to be remembered with calls when apart

4. The need to share joy and laughter

5. The need to feel that we are the most important person in our partner’s life and awareness when in a crowded, busy social environment  



1. The need to know that our partner is loyal and committed

2. The need to know that our partner is there for us in times of 3rd party conflicts and problems

3. The need to know that our partner will always be with us through good times and bad times

4. The need to know that our relationship will not be put at risk because of any disagreements and confrontations    



1. The need to feel that our partner respects our spiritual needs

2. The need to feel that our personal spiritual values are supported without judgment

3. The need to share a spiritual life, even if that spiritual life is experienced differently by us and our partner  


Again, those are just some examples. Hopefully by reading it, it can stimulate your thinking.

To end my post today, I would really encourage you all to grab a piece of paper, or since you already in front of the computer, go and open a Microsoft Word file and start to make your list of needs. And try to find a good time with your partner to just discuss and talk about it.

Trust me, it will work wonders. Well… at least it works for me. =)


Alva Merry

20 + 1 ways to make others happy

Continuing from my yesterday post,

Let me share with you few tips that you can do to brighten up someone's day


1. Look them in the eyes and say: "You are beautiful"
2. Give a free hug
3. Send them some cute or funny video from youtube
4. Secretly leave them a thank you notes
5. Help them carry something.
6. Buy them breakfast
7. Give compliment publicly
8. Say Thank You
9. Lend a listening ear
10. Just call to ask how they're doing
11. Cook for them
12. Make coffee for them
13. Write good comments on their facebook
14. Say I Love You :)
15. Send a thoughtful sms
16. Be there with them
17. Give them a nice massage
18. Remember their birthday
19. Give them a helping hand
20. Tell a joke


Last but not least, my favorite one:

21. SMILE :)


Your positive smile will surely make someone happy today! :)

Make someone happy today !

Why people do volunteer work?

Some people do it because they find something they are passionate about and want to do something good for others, another probably think that they are very fortunate to live the way they do and want to give something back to society. Or it could even be for personal growth, volunteers often say that the experience has made them a better person.


There are number of different reasons we do charity work, bring flowers to a friend in the hospital, or buy a special gift for someone we love when we're out shopping. And one of the reason is because it makes us happy. Sometimes in fact, being kind and considerate to others actually benefits us more than the people we're helping.


Even if our activities initially starts out as a chore or an obligation, it can become a joy to us, as well as to those who benefit from our effort.
The real happiness consists in making others happy.


Have you done anything that makes someone happy today? :)

Well, even if your answer is NO, it's never too late.


Hopefully after reading this, you can start thinking: "Is there something that I can do to make someone happy?" It doesn't have to be big or spectacular. Even a simple message expressing how much you appreciate someone's friendship can be very powerful.

You cannot always have happiness,
but you can always give happiness.